Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Year's

Sorry for the delay in posting...the holidays crept up on me and then took me by whirlwind. I felt like much more of a grown up this Christmas season. I have helped my mom out a lot since she has been out of town so much right up til Christmas Eve. I have just had the chance to reflect on all of this and see up close how much life travels in a circle. Having the time to visit my grandmama emphasized this completely. She is doing better from her hip replacement but they have discovered that basically her knees are shot and so is one shoulder. Basically she will never really walk again with the ease that she once did which is sad if you know my grandmama. She was a very athletic person and loved walking whether it was around town or just in the yard. It is hard to see her this way and know that she isn't able to move about without pain. :(
But on a positive note, I have had the chance to spend a ton of time with the Beau over the break. He took some days and then had some extra days off this week which has been nice. He was sick, he blames my baby cousin, so of course yours truly took care of him. It wasn't too bad but he definitely pushed the limit on Sunday when he was whining about something and I didn't baby him enough. He got mad and said some not nice things. But one thing that is great about the Beau is his ability to apologize when he is wrong. He apologized about 5 minutes after he said it and realized how mean it was.

Anyways I digress, I was watching the Today Show with my grandmama the Monday and Tuesday before Christmas when they started talking about New Year's Resolutions....Ha ha... I am sure you thinking the same thing that I was thinking. Resolutions are a joke! They last maybe a week at best. One big big point they made on the Today Show was the fact that people make their goals too unrealistic and too big. They are so right about that!

So I have decided to follow their advice and see how it goes. I have set two small goals for myself. 1. To do at least 10 lunges per leg. 2. To do at least 10 minutes on Wii Fit. These smaller goals are suppose to help you keep them and to feel a greater sense of achievement with them. It doesn't hurt that they are smaller and usually lead you to continue once you have started. I will have to keep you updated with the progress. Some kind of change needs to happen needless to say with my body. It is time!

I have found the first resolution much easier to do. The second one has been slightly harder to do since we bought a new TV and then the Beau thinks its a sport to watch me do Wii Fit from his couch. Lets just say I no longer do Pilates and rolling into a ball in front of him. He went and got a beer once and watched me do Pilates. He found it highly amusing and truly an entertainment. Me....not so much! I can laugh with myself or at myself with the best of them but somehow that doesn't amuse me as much as it does him.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Funniest E-mail

I am not one of those people who normally forwards e-mails but this is one of the funniest e-mails I have read in a long time. It is from one of my mom's friends. Being a dog person makes it funnier and you can definitely relate if you have had a dog who is a little neurotic. Mind you as I was reading this, laughing histerically because this is something my parents' Jack Russell Terrier would do, the Beau is wondering what I am finding so funny. Needless to say once he read it, he found it as funny as I did. Enjoy!

Jasper and the Unbaked Yeast Rolls

Those of you who have/had animals will probably appreciate it more. It is a story that is hilarious in itself and the person that wrote it is a good writer and made the story even better. Enjoy...

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child about whom you know nothing and committing to doing your best to be a good parent.

Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me.

Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline ' , I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress.

Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time.

I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend.

I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment.

I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for a few hours. Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour. The rolls were ready to go in the oven.

It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated.

I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.

God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.

We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction.

He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence.

His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk.

He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.

Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day.

My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and me , we took off.

Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the worst of it.

Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did.

Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, 'what goes in must come out' and Jasper was no exception.

Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen's house. Having discovered his 'packages' on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor.

This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure.

We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too.

Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at Perry's sister's house.

I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door.

It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to: 'How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.'

And how was your day?

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Tis The Season

Let me just say that I love the Christmas season! I love everything about it and all it entails. This past weekend I went to Edisto which was a great getaway and the perfect way to relax before three more weeks of schools. Yes, 15 days as of Monday and now 13 days left until we are out for "WINTER Holiday"!!!! My kids crack me up because they came in yesterday and announced it was Christmas. I love that innocence about children and I was shocked to see some of mine with it still. Even though all of my students are talking about Christmas and discussing it to no end, I can't talk about or reference it. The "Holiday" party shall be interesting....

I was so excited though to walk through the door of the Beau's house on Sunday and see:
1. Our artifical tree up and ready for me to decorate (the Beau claims to be allergic to real aka. he doesn't want to have to deal with a real one each year) ask me some time about how my mom heard that the Beau was allergic and sent her into panic over her future grandbabies!@!
2. The house was clean
3. Vegetable Soup that hit the spot on that cold, rainy day!
4. A warm couch and a Beau excited to see me after the weekend

An added bonus came after the tree was decorated and no ornaments were broken in the process!!!!!!!! Yay, I am suppose to get some of my Christopher Radko ornaments this year that I have been collecting since I was little. No bad mojo when they come in of broken ornaments!